Hope ~

“The joy of life consists in the exercise of one’s energies, continual growth, constant change, the enjoyment of every new experience. To stop means simply to die. The eternal mistake of mankind is to set up an attainable ideal”

~Aleister Crowley

Practice makes perfect ~

Ever since Mel has discovered her own special magic , she has been working hard on learning to control it . With the addition of a magic bracelet she has learned her power is increased by this … learning to stay calm is what she needs to do to be able to harness that extra bit of magic 😉

The proposal

This is part 2 of Mel and Kurai’s conversation ~




a plan or suggestion, especially a formal or written one, put forward for consideration or discussion by others.
synonyms: scheme·plan·[more]

the action of proposing a plan or suggestion.

Kurai~*snaps his fingers and two chairs appear , smiles kindly * why don’t we sit down

Mel~*sits down in the chair that Kurai indicates *

Kurai~*smiles kindly , sensing her uncertainty of what to do * …may I make a proposal to you ?

Mel~*still looks very unsure , she cannot think of anything that she would want from him , her mind is to focused on what has happened every time she has had an encounter with him, but she answers in a quiet voice *… yes .. of course

Kurai~*keeping his voice calm , knowing what she is thinking , he hopes he can help her get over her fears ,he says * … You know , I would very much like to learn more about humans , maybe you could teach me about your kind and I can help you learn more about mine *smiles kindly *

Mel~…me? Teach you ? *looks at him and smiles a bit , her insides still feeling nervous , says in a small voice * … ok …

Kurai~*holds his hand out to her * will you trust me ?

Mel~*timidly but somewhat trustingly , places her hand in His , says softly * … I will try ..


So Mel found an unexpected study buddy out of Kurai , it took a lot of courage to accept his proposal .

We shall see how this plays out 😉

The Apology

Mel~*is walking and reading , studying her new interest in Demonology.*

*She stops suddenly hearing footsteps behind her , her heart races , she turns slowly to see who it is *

*the sight of who she sees makes her drop her book in shock*

*she says in a tremulous voice * no… no .. *she backs slowly away preparing to run if her feet will carry her *

Kurai~*holds up his hand , speaking gently , realizing what kind of terror might be going through Mel’s mind * shhhhh….it’s ok , I’m not going to hurt you , I just want to talk .

Mel~*images of the dungeon and chains , Kurai’s smirk , his red eyes , a sword charging at her , a whip cracking , pain , screaming , darkness and evil laughter fill her mind, despite his words , she does not trust him , he is the one that almost killed her , she has to run , she has to get away , but her feet won’t obey *

Kurai~*kneels down to the ground and retrieves her book *

*he looks at the title , he looks up at her and keeps his voice gentle * .. so you are studying my kind … *smiles kindly and holds out the book for her to take it , hoping somehow this might start to show her , he isn’t going to hurt her * ..that’s admirable ..

Mel~*cant make her body move , she is paralyzed from her fear of him , her eyes burn with tears *

Kurai~*notices she is still very frightened , he stays still kneeled down and says gently and softly* please don’t be afraid , I promise I am not here to hurt you ..

Mel~*with a tear filled voice that she finally found to speak with , she says emotionally * … why … did you .. do it ? ..

Kurai~*continues to stay kneeled and says gently * … it is my nature to be evil , to take what I want , so I did … but I have come to realize , that I was wrong to do what I did to you , for many reasons , so I wanted to make it up to you . Whatever you wish me to do , I will do .. *he bows his head respectfully to her , remaining on his knees *

Mel~*looks taken aback by this , she at first cannot even find her voice , but after a few moments , she says softly * … whatever … I want ?

Kurai~*he speaks gently still , kneeled with head bowed* yes , just speak it and I will do it …


This is a HUGE step for Kurai , to apologize for the torture and fear he put Mel through , hmmmm….I wonder what she will ask him to do ? 🤔 what would you ask a very powerful being for ? One that instead of wanting to hurt you , wants to do something nice for you ? What would you do ? This will probably take a huge amount of courage and trust on Mel’s part , should she trust him ? Would you? If you knew his background , you wouldn’t 😈 ….

Dream Lover


Song by Mariah Carey

I need a lover to give me

The kind of love that would last always

I need somebody uplifting

To take me away

I want a lover who knows me

Who understands how I feel inside

Someone to comfort and hold me

Through the long lonely nights

Till the dawn

Why don’t you take me awayDream lover come rescue me

Take me up take me down

Take me anywhere you want to baby now

I need you so desperately

Won’t you please come around

‘Cause I wanna share forever with you babyI don’t want another pretender

To disillusion me one more time

Whispering words of forever

Playing with my mindI need someone to hold on to

The kind of love that won’t fly away

I just want someone to belong to everyday of my life


So come and take me awayDream lover come rescue me

Take me up take me down

Take me anywhere you want to baby now

I need you so desperately

Won’t you please come around

‘Cause I wanna share forever with you babyBaby come and take me awayDream lover come rescue me

Take me up take me down

Take me anywhere you want to baby now

I need you so desperately

Won’t you please come around

‘Cause I wanna share forever with you babyDream lover come rescue me

Take me up take me down

Take me anywhere you want to baby now

I need you so desperately

Won’t you please come around

‘Cause I wanna share forever with you baby

Songwriters: Dave Hall,Mariah Carey

Two peas in a pod

Hellebore and Anathema are so made for each other , both are shape shifters , both love books , share the same interests and their color schemes 💋 perfection !


Every one interprets everything in terms of his own experience. If you say anything which does not touch a precisely similar spot in another man’s brain, he either misunderstands you, or doesn’t understand you at all.

Aleister Crowley, Diary of a Drug Fiend


The Offer

Hellebore ~*takes a chair next to Anathema and asks kindly and curiously * what did you wish to speak to me about ?

Anathema~*smiles and holds out a bottle of bright pink liquid , a black star adorns the top of the bottle * I wanted to offer you the opportunity to gain your powers back my dear Puka , as you lost your remaining few to an unfortunate encounter with the demon Kurai … here they are if you want them …

Hellebore ~*looks at the bottle , he shows little emotion about what she says it contains , instead in a steady voice he says * I am quite happy as I am my dear Anathema , but I do appreciate your kindness in wanting to help

Me , but with great power comes great responsibility and I do not have the willpower to wield such power anymore , I was pleased when it was taken … because I feel it is justice for what happened to my people ,at my own hand , I do not wish to be responsible for such an act again .. *he tries not to think of his wife and child , who also fell to their deaths at his hand , he has grieved for them since the day he lost control and they were lost * … I wish only to be a simple man , With simple pleasures to hand , which is why I enjoy books , they are my escape and my luxury …

Anathema~*smiles kindly and speaks warmly To him * I respect and admire you for your honesty dear Hellebore ..and your foresight ..


I know a lot of you won’t know Hellebore’s background , but he is what is known as a Puka , he can shape shift at will , he usually chooses a large white rabbit , he is also responsible for, in the past , for the killing of all of his people , he is the last of his kind now , because , Perhaps even more tragic is the loss of his wife and child at his own hands , during a fit of insanity , which he had suffered from for years until he was given a potion to calm his fits . He has since been living a simple life , reading and becoming quite close friends with Mel . He has also recently discovered Anathema’s Rare book store . Who knows with his love of books, those two might just be the perfect couple ;D we shall see …anyone who knows my characters from years ago will see she is very much resembling a certain someone … anyone want to guess who ? … 😉

I am Mel …

My name is Mel , I feel sometimes as if I have lived a thousand lifetimes . So many things have happened in my life , so many have come and gone … with each lifetime …

my story is unique perhaps , or maybe others who have had similar experiences never say .. because they do not wish to appear insane .. the title to my life might be this “ The life and times of a girl called Mel and her Infinite Reincarnations … alright now you probably agree with the insanity part .. but truly I have lived a thousand lifetimes .. each one special , each one unique , each one holding pieces that I would have adored to physically hang on to … my heart always will … but all lives , even mine must end .. though in my case …begin again and again like some endless play ..

in my current existence I Am studying to become a demonologist … you might think this odd ? But when one has a demon Lover , you really would find yourself interested in that subject wouldn’t you ? Like anyone say who loved an actor , or a baker , or a circus performer , wouldn’t you research who they were and find interest in the aspects of their lives ? … yes , I know mine is unusual .. frightening to some perhaps , but to me it’s an incredible relationship , filled with so much love and so much desire , I don’t want to lose this lifetime with her , I would let her take my soul if I knew it meant I could stay with her always . Never has anyone meant so much to me as she .. words fail to describe my intense love for her .. I would do anything she said , be anything she wanted me to be . Some may say , it’s foolish to put your heart and soul into another .. but that’s something that my heart does for ones who touch me a certain way and I don’t mean touch in a sexual sense (even though that part is incredibly amazing ..) but one who touches my soul as she does .. I love her with my whole being , a love that transcends time and space , mortality and immortality .. a love that if I lost , I would wish to live no more .. she is much more than just my lover … she is my everything .. I would give up my endless lifetimes just to stay with her ..

Kurai & Mel ~ a very deep explanation , also an explanation of why RP is so important to me

“I am Kurai , I am a demon , I kill things , I cause shit to happen and I Like it , perhaps I do have a death wish , but to kill me would take a great deal of effort if I had all of my powers . So I do small shit , mess with humans , make their life hell , particularly one , she is my focus , i am always hovering just out of her field of vision , waiting for my opportunities ,waiting to strike , I have enjoyed pushing her beyond her endurance until she nearly died , at my hands I am proud to say , I have enjoyed throwing obstacles in her way that make her question her sanity and take away her peace of mind , I believe I have excelled in pushing her to the limits of human endurance , but I am not done yet , if you bitches think I am done you are fools, did Michelangelo quit while painting the Sistine chapel , no , he finished that bitch , did Benjamin Franklin drag that kite out of the sky before discovering the power of lightning , NO , he let that bitch fry and so will I …. “


In my mind , Kurai is the cancer in Mel’s life , very like the looming fear of cancer returning is in mine , Mel struggles with her mortality , she fears dying after being pressed to the brink by Kurai , she used to be brave , she used to be carefree , so was I , I used to be , not that I think my cancer will come back , but that fear , always hovering just in the background , causing my mind to wander to awful places , is like Kurai , hovering in the background of Mel’s life , just waiting to make her life Hell …. and like her ,my mortality is always on my mind.

one of my escapes is RP stories where I can play this out , too deep ? Yes it is way deep and maybe just plays in my own head most of the time , but it’s a way to cope , something that has helped me get through , I don’t say much about my fears ,people think I am brave , but I really am not , but to play those fears out in a creative way helps more than anyone can imagine , my therapist told me , keep doing it , if that works for you and it does , because before there were nothing but panic attack’s almost every day , which led to little sleep , which led to more problems .So I am more than grateful for this escape . In RP’s I have done in the past , this was also true , but back then my worries were just that , panic attacks and depression. , which is an awful cancer of the mind . Those who suffer will understand that statement . This is why I get so emotional at times when I can’t RP and also constantly worry I will annoy people I RP with and they will stop and I will lose that escape again , I truly need it , it means so much to me , never realized until I got it back , how much I missed it and needed it , so I am very grateful and worry about losing it again ..all the time ..

There are certain characters Mel clings to for strength , characters that are stronger than her , braver than her and that take care of her in the ways she needs . I also tend to cling to the people I RP with because I appreciate and need them very much . They are as much a source of strength for me as those certain characters are for Mel .

Everyone needs a safe haven in a storm and that is what these characters and RP are for me ,my safe haven in a storm , my way to escape ..

My muse




synonyms: inspiration · creative influence · stimulus · stimulation · afflatus

a person or personified force who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist.


Mel has always been this to me ❤️ she is more than just a doll to me , I have a spiritual and emotional connection to her . Which shows most greatly in RP stories . Anyone who has never had a muse may not understand this , but it’s one of the greatest things to discover in the world . ❤️

Just Me and my Dolls

I thought I would start by sharing a bit about myself . My name is Melissa but some call me Mel ,I have a doll collection and in that doll collection I have a host of characters that I would adore to introduce you to . But first a bit about me , I am an average human I guess , just trying to navigate this thing we call life . I work , I like to ride my bike , I have a man in my life that I love very much and am going to marry one day soon 😁. I love to RP and create characters for RP , lots of drama , but some laughs also . But I have had my share of real drama in my life  , cancer for one , something I NEVER thought would happen to me , it’s one of those things that happen to OTHER people right ? , which I have “battled” and beat so far , I truly hope it never comes back . It is a constant fear though , lingering just in the back of my mind like it’s own kind of cancer and it can steal my peace at times . I have found a way though to escape from that worry though , I call it RP .the letters don’t really matter because RP is whatever you make it , but I suppose of the letters did mean something more it could be interpreted RPS , Role Play Story . Which is much more fun to do with a friend than alone . But here in this blog I am going to give it a solo go , because I needed a place where I can come anytime , share a story or two or just talk about my life , who knows , but you would probably like to hear about my dolls more than about me lol and actually I would much rather talk about them anyways xD I tell people about them all the time , at work , when I am out on a photo shoot with them, random strangers , ramble on … you get what I am saying , don’t cha ? 😅

I was mostly inspired to work on something like this from an amazing friend of mine , whose talent and creativity are an art form worthy to behold . She has an amazing dolly blog , also , She has saved me from my life by RPing with me . She is incredible and I love her too pieces ,as well as all of her characters .

So I hope all of you enjoy what you see here , I hope to entertain you through smiles and possibly tears . My dolls and I are here to do what we can to help you escape from life for just a spell 😉

if you want to ask me something , send me a message ^_^ I would love to hear from you !

Thanks for reading !

Sincerely ,

Melissa and her dolls

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

“Favorite people, favorite places , favorite memories of the past . These are the Joys of a lifetime , these are the things that last“~Henry Van Dyke